Archive for the Humor Category

Federal Gov. Pays for Deads Heating and Cooling, Woman Keeps Corpse for 11 Years

Posted in Economy, Humor, Politics with tags , , on July 7, 2010 by raingeg

It wasn’t too long ago that I watched the movie Psycho for the first time, I know, I have no excuse as to why it took so long. You ask yourself after that movie if anyone really does keep dead people around like that. Apparently they do.

AP:

A 91-year-old woman found living with the corpses of her husband and twin sister will be allowed to keep them if she installs a mausoleum or crypt, a prosecutor said Tuesday.

Its not just one corpse, its two! I guess the weirdest part about this story is the fact that her husband died in 1999! So for the last 11 years she has been tending to her dead husbands body.

State police have been investigating the bizarre case since the corpses were discovered in mid-June. Authorities found the body of James Stevens on a couch in the detached garage and the body of June Stevens on a couch in a spare room off the bedroom.

This sends shivers down my spine.

I actually feel kind of bad for the lady, she is lonely and apparently claustrophobic and didn’t want to think of her relatives stuck in a coffin. To that I say, there’s always cremation. But, really, you must be asking some of the same questions that I am.

In other news, the federal government has no problem sending money to dead people.

CNS News.com-

According to the Government Accountability Office (GAO), the federal government helped pay the home air conditioning bills for more than 11,000 dead people, 1,100 federal employees, and 725 convicts in fiscal year 2009.

The payments were made by a $5 billion program known as the Low-Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP). LIHEAP is designed to provide federal assistance, administered by the states, to help people pay the energy bills to heat their homes in the winter and cool them in the summer. The funds are disbursed by the Department of Health and Human Services and are distributed based on a formula that takes into account a state’s weather and the size of its low-income population.

“Our analysis of LIHEAP data revealed that the program is at risk of fraud and providing improper benefits in all seven of our selected states,” reported the GAO. “About 260,000 applications–9 percent of households receiving benefits in the selected states–contained invalid identity information, such as Social Security numbers, names, or dates of birth.”

Now, the obvious question is why, with today’s technology, is there not some sort of system that the applications could have been run through to make sure that nothing fraudulent was going on. Better yet, why not just use the system that the GAO is using, whatever that may be.

“The identities of over 11,000 deceased individuals were used as applicants or household members for LIHEAP benefits,” reads the GAO report. “Our analysis matching LIHEAP data to the SSA’s death master file found these individuals were deceased before the LIHEAP application date.”

Every time I call my bank and talk to a rep from customer service I have to verify who I am, generally using the last four digits of my social security number, what’s even more impressive is that they can tie that social security number to my identity, all in about three minutes. There was one application lacked any proof of identification like a social security number or a drivers license number. These are the people you’d like in charge of you health care.

HT: Memeorandum

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Kid Falls Asleep During Pres. Obama Speech

Posted in Education, Humor, Politics with tags , , , on June 10, 2010 by raingeg

I have a tendency to fall asleep like this, so I could see this happening to me one day. This really has nothing to do with president Obama, it could have been anybody speaking and the kid would’ve probably fallen asleep, its just funny. Then again, if this speech was anything like some of the questions we’ve heard the president answer at town halls, I could see it getting a little boring.

Comedy for Dummies

Posted in Humor, Life with tags , , on May 5, 2010 by raingeg

I remember being in third grade, grabbing the dictionary off the shelf, looking up the word “sex” and laughing with a classmate. That was followed by stern punishment. But when it comes to comedy it seems our taste has sunk to that low rung of the comedic ladder.

Now a wink and a nod or a jab of the elbow paired with just about anything one says, can be turned into an innuendo of some kind, though its usually sexual. Its difficult for one to speak or write for fear that ones words could be turned around and used to the advantage of a corrupt mind. I must admit, at first it was a bit funny and fun, laughing at the expense of another, but then is just got repetitive and old.

I remember one time I was sitting in a restaurant with some friends and one of them stated that just about anything can be made to sound bad. We then spent the whole night laughing at the fact that no matter what you said if you added an “if you know what I mean” or a “oh, sure that’s what you meant” to the end of a sentence, anything could be corrupted. But is that where we really are? Are we really to the point where we’ve corrupted common speech? The unfortunate answer to this question is a resounding yes.

Twenty years ago on The Cosby Show you would see Cliff and Claire always hinting at the fact that they were going to have sex. There would be a wink and a nod between Cliff and Claire at the end of an episode, and when you saw that you knew that they were going to make love. That was cute, it was also funny, but now we have a totally different situation on our hands.

Today in a regular old conversation you’ll hear about 20 “that’s what she said” comments. I must admit that I’ve said it before in my life, and it might have been funny at the time and it might be funny again someday, but its slowly getting old.

I was talking with my friend Gerry Cross at work about comedy and what is now thought to be funny, and he mentioned that new comedy is just too easy. And I agree with him. Reading into another persons words and twisting them around to make them sound crude or absurd is easy, its not difficult, and not honorable or desired. That email that you get at work of a crude picture or a person acting like an idiot is not difficult, nor is it noble or beneficial. There is a time and a place for stupidity, and sometimes it may very well be funny, it just seems that the amount of stupidity has grown to be more than we can take.

Charlie Chaplin:

“Cruelty is a basic element in comedy. What appears to be sane is really insane, and if you can make that poignant enough they love it. The audience recognizes it as a farce on life, and they laugh at it in order not to die from it, in order not to weep. It’s a question of that mysterious thing called candor coming in. An old man slips on a banana and falls slowly and stumbles and we don’t laugh. But if it’s done with a pompous well-to-do gentleman who has exaggerated pride, then we laugh. All embarrassing situations are funny, especially if they’re treated with humor. With clowns you can expect anything outrageous to happen. But if a man goes into a restaurant, and he thinks he’s very smart but he’s got a big hole in his pants – if that is treated humorously, it’s bound to be funny. Especially if it’s done with dignity and pride.”

But no longer are we dealing with actors like Chaplin, we are dealing with real life. Just visit Youtube and you’ll see what I mean. I unfortunately have to keep telling myself “people really are that stupid.” No longer is our entertainment “a farce on life,” this farce is life. We get a kick out of everyday debauchery. We, like me in the third grade, are basically laughing at the word “sex” in the dictionary. We’ve replaced honorable amusement with cheap and inane entertainment.

Kid Suspended After Making Fist Into Shape of Gun

Posted in Education, Humor, Politics with tags , , , , on March 6, 2010 by raingeg

Here is another example of the hoplophobic society in which we live.

Grand Rapids News:

IONIA — To the little boy’s mother, it was just a 6-year-old boy playing around.

But when Mason Jammer, a kindergarten student at Jefferson Elementary in Ionia, curled his fist into the shape of a gun Wednesday and pointed it at another student, school officials said it was no laughing matter.

They suspended Mason until Friday, saying the behavior made other students uncomfortable, said Erin Jammer, Mason’s mother.

School officials allege Mason had displayed this kind of behavior for several months, despite numerous warnings.

“I do think it’s too harsh for a six-year-old,” said Jammer, who was previously warned that if Mason continued the practice he would be suspended. “He’s six and he just likes to play.”

Jammer says her son isn’t violent, and there are other, more effective ways of teaching him not to make a gun with his hand.

“Maybe what you could do is take his recess away,” suggested Jammer, adding her son doesn’t have toy guns at home.

“He’s only six and he doesn’t understand any of this.”

Here’s my observation. After the 1960’s school shootings became more common. Even as our gun laws got more stringent and the people were being told that guns are bad, look no further than the posted article. We are forced to ask ourselves this simple question, is it working? And the answer would appear to be no.

Some might say that there’s just simply not enough control. But the thing that seems to be very difficult to get through the thick skull of the leftist, is the simple fact that gun control laws do not have a positive effect on the law abiding citizen. What do I mean by that? Take for example the person that is likely to lawfully own a gun and use that gun in a moral fashion. How is this person effected by gun control? He cannot use the tools of freedom freely because of the law that he seeks to uphold.

Now take the person that has no regard for the law. First, he does not care if there is a law that allows or doesn’t allow him to own a firearm, he will do it no matter what. Second, he will use the firearm anyway he sees fit, even in an immoral fashion, because he is not a law abiding citizen. And the nail in the coffin is the fact that the criminal in this case will act the same way whether gun control exists or not.

If the parents of Mason Jammer wanted to really do him a favor they would take him out to the range and show him how to responsibly handle a gun and how to shoot it. They would also inform him that guns require their handlers to be very cautious and very responsible. And they would tell the school administrators to take a hike. But, instead, the leftist school administrators will tell Mason that he is a bad child for making his hand into the shape of a gun. An event that used to be a right of passage among every young boy in America.

Tucson Crane 3D-Object in Google Earth

Posted in Humor, Politics with tags , , , , , , on March 1, 2010 by raingeg

This post is for all of my fellow Tucsonans. To put it in context for people who might not know, Downtown Tucson is a mess. Have you seen that movie with Tom Hanks and Shelly Long called “Money Pit”? That is what Downtown Tucson is, a gigantic money pit. They’ve been attempting to renovate Downtown for a decade now and a decade later it is pretty much the same as when they started.

One of the staples of the Downtown redevelopment is the crane (seen in the picture) obviously something that is not supposed to be a permanent fixture of the Tucson skyline. Apparently the people who run Google Earth know how slow the city of Tucson is and they’ve included the crane as one of the “3D buildings” in the program.

I’m becoming more and more convinced everyday that the crane is more of a symbol or statement by the powers at be that action is coming and work is getting done. Its kind of like when you go to the doctors office and they take you from the main waiting room to the examination room where you are then forced to wait some more. The only difference here is that the doctor (the people who run Tucson) is not who you thought he was and you’ve really been locked into a sanatorium.

Paul Ryan Videos/Why Don’t we Have Beards in DC?

Posted in Economy, Health Insurance, Humor, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2010 by raingeg

I am by no means turning into a Ryan zealot, but I think I’d like to see Paul Ryan run against the president in 2012. What do you think?

Video from Weekly Standard.

I’ve posted on Ryan before and I think he would make a pretty good competitor.

Also, I’d like to address the lack of beards, or any sort of facial hair in Washington, it bugs me. Do you think we could have a bipartisan summit on the topic of government and facial hair? Those of us who do sport facial hair feel very underrepresented. Please bring facial hair back to Washington!

As I pointed out in November, there were plenty of beards and mustaches in the White House and in Washington in the past. Can you think of one beard in Washington today? Just one? If you can please let me know so this person can be celebrated, I will make this a nonpartisan event.

Attack of the Killer Hot Dogs

Posted in Humanity, Humor, Life with tags , , , , on February 23, 2010 by raingeg

Let me warn you right off the bat, if you have a weak stomach this story might not be for you. I was surfing the web looking for something to write about and came across this story, people are upset with hot dogs and similar foods because they might be considered a choking hazard.

AP via Fox News:

Some food makers including Oscar Mayer have warning labels about choking, but not nearly enough, says Joan Stavros Adler, Eric’s mom. The American Academy of Pediatrics agrees. The nation’s largest pediatricians group is calling for sweeping changes in the way food is designed and labeled to minimize children’s chances for choking. Choking kills more than 100 U.S. children 14 years or younger each year and thousands more — 15,000 in 2001 — are treated in emergency rooms. Food, including candy and gum, is among the leading culprits, along with items like coins and balloons. Of the 141 choking deaths in kids in 2006, 61 were food-related.

Grocery Manufacturers Association spokesman Scott Openshaw declined to say whether food makers would consider warning labels or new designs, but said making parents aware of choking dangers is key to keeping kids safe. Openshaw said the industry would continue working with the FDA and USDA “to ensure that our products are as safe as possible.” At the FDA, spokeswoman Rita Chappelle said the agency will review the academy’s analysis and recommendations. She said the FDA also would continue consulting with the Consumer Product Safety Commission on assessing choking hazards associated with food and take action on a case-by-case basis.

That’s not the story, but it sure did remind me of one. When I was in the 7th grade I had an encounter with the evil choking hot dogs. It was a spring day and I was quite hungry. For lunch I’d brought along some mini corn dogs, one of my favorite foods to this day. I heated up the dogs and began to devour them. Then it happened, some blame it on the lack of chewing and some might say it was my impatience, but no matter the cause, I now had a mini corn dog lodged in my esophagus.

Its quite an experience to have something stuck in your esophagus. I put in a concerted effort to get this mini corn dog out of my body, and all of my efforts failed. So I went down to the nurse, which at my school was just the school office, where they decided that the Heimlich maneuver was the best method to remove the dog. It didn’t work. After various awkward Heimlich sessions with the office lady we gave up and I waited for my Mom to arrive. Sitting in the office was not fun, the pain was really getting to me, along with the strange panic that comes along with getting food stuck in your throat. After a while my saliva started building up and I was foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog, continually spitting out the saliva that I could not swallow.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, my Mother arrived, signed me out of school and took me to her office, hoping that it would come out, but if not, she works for a Chiropractor that might have been able to help us. On the way to her office I blacked out, maybe from the lack of oxygen. When we arrived and I awoke it finally hit me. As I made my way out of the car there was no other option but to adhere to my natural reflexes.

After vomiting a couple of times, the mini corn dog that had caused me so much trouble was finally dislodged from my esophagus, and I could breathe and swallow saliva normally once again. Would more warnings on the box of mini corn dogs have helped me at all? I think not. Maybe a good lesson on chewing your food and being patient, but not another warning on the box. How did we get along before they had the warning on the box?